I’ve always wanted to be a Mother. I always assumed it would be easy for me to become pregnant and so almost five years ago when I found out I had issues with infertility, it came as a shock. Over the past five years, I have gone to see multiple fertility specialists in the top of their field, alternative healers from acupuncturists to mayan abdominal massage to spiritual clairvoyants and taken more herbs/supplements/drugs than I knew my body/bank account could handle . I’ve had really high-highs and really low-lows, including five IUI’s, one round of IVF and three early term miscarriages. I’ve had my heart broken at inopportune times including finding out I was no longer pregnant the day before Mother’s Day last year. It’s been a balance of showing up for myself and showing up for work I have been committed to all the while with one word in my head; Grace. I’ve tried to face all this boloney with Grace.
I’m sharing this here because it’s part of who I am, and while this platform is a place to share pretty photos of flowers, it’s also about sharing what inspires me and what affects my creative path. My designs are created from my soul, and that is also a space that I share with my yearning to be a Mama one day. It’s a deep place of creation that I have built my little flower empire and from this same place I’ve experienced these feelings of great loss and great hope.
I have found that some of life’s greatest gifts are found in the darkest hours. I’ve found that I am strong and tender at the same time and a much more compassionate person. My husband and I have grown closer form this experience and that is a gift beyond measure. I’ve learn to face my feelings and myself in a way I avoided in the past. I’ve realized that I’m really good at finding the positivity in things and wanting to share my light with others.
As Mother’s Day approaches, I’m actually looking forward to it for the first time in several years. I am lucky enough to have my own Mother happily living on this earth, and that is something that so many others cannot say. I also feel hopeful and excited in a way that I haven’t during this five year period. After putting my heart and soul into this process, I have landed exactly where I feel I am supposed to be. My husband and I are on the path to adopting and I feel so grounded and happy in this space. It’s scary and exciting and a whole new chapter of anticipating.
So, not matter your relationship with your Mother or your path to Motherhood, I hope you feel loved and share the love this Mother’s Day. Always, with Grace.